February Date With Self

February was another month I was extremely busy with planning an event for over 700 guests, so finding time for myself was not easy. I planned to go see Black Panther and take myself to dinner, but then I decided to take The Ex to the movie on his birthday instead. He did take me out for a $100 sushi dinner for mine, so it seemed right. I know a lot of you might think I was headed down a very dangerous path by taking him out after all the things I wrote about him doing last year. But it’s hard to let go of 12 years together. But I am cautious enough to keep him at arm’s length.

I did go out almost every night in February. So I definitely treated myself, but I’m trying to make a conscious effort of planning one night to spoil myself. I’ll make a stronger effort next month.


Well I survived 2017, but it wasn’t easy. Amazing things happened throughout the year as I claimed my independence and freedom as a single person. I tried to document my journey along the way, but it was a lot harder to document while still processing the emotions than I realized. Yes, writing helps me process but it also forces me to think about the situation which I wasn’t always ready to do. My last post was in August, and a few weeks later would’ve been mine and The Ex’s official 12th anniversary. Ironically our anniversary of becoming exclusive was 9/11. That should’ve been a sign.

It was also difficult to write about the loved ones who hurt me while also respecting their privacy. But then again, why should I hold back from sharing factors of my own truths; they haven’t considered my feelings.

I made mistakes. I battled a double heartbreak. I was faced with discovering who I really am. Do I enjoy and respect that person? I tried to be honest and open with my chosen family and my lovahs. I gained new friends. I met new lovahs and lost other lovahs. I embarrassed myself. I was proud of myself. I earned a grant and produced a show. I worked hard and played harder. I created a demo for an EP all about my road to independence and performed those songs and some stories for my annual birthday show. It was one of the most healing processes I’ve ever gone through. That really does just prove the power of art. And now I understand the strength and popularity of heartbreak albums in so much more depth.

My experiences inspired my current Birthday Resolution which I realized I haven’t announced yet. During my 34th year I am going on a monthly date with myself. Taking myself on dates is something I’ve been doing for years, even while dating The Ex. But this year I wanted to make a conscious effort to do so regularly, so stay tuned to hear all about them!

The Scientryst Pt. 3: Non-Dates

So besides the comfortable, intimate nights we’d have at his place, The Scientist and I were going on impromptu outings, and he was learning some of my darkest secrets (though, in retrospect, he didn’t quite share as many details about his life as I did). He was also asking a lot of questions about The Ex which kinda weirded me out, but I couldn’t help but bring him up in conversation considering he was a part of my entire adult life up until now.

Our next night out after the Associate Board Gala was after work when I was on my way home from running errands. I was hungry and wanted a drink with dinner, so I texted The Scientist and invited him out with me. I was super excited to see him, but his homebodiness was taking over and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to go out. So I told him he had two train stops to make up his mind. But he said drinks are his weakness (more specifically gin, which I read on social media means you have psychotic tendencies), and he told me to meet him at his place so he could finish getting ready.

He answered the door in his underwear as he usually did with his long beautiful hair all swept up in a bun.  He finished getting ready, and I grabbed my bag and we headed out.  We ate some delicious sliders and had a couple drinks and when it came time to pay, he got out his wallet to split the bill as we’d done the time before.  I told him it was on me because I’d inviteIMG_8050d him out.  Then I quickly followed up by telling him that this was not a date because I wasn’t ready for a date with anyone.  He understood and suggested that we get another drink on him.  So we headed to the new arcade bar next door and sipped on some cocktails before heading to the back of the bar to play games.

Once in the back, he asked me if I’d ever played Killer Queen to which I responded no.  It’s a group game with two teams.  Ironically, 5 seconds later, these random people asked us if we wanted to play.  The next thing we knew, we were playing this game with a dozen strangers and having a blast!  I didn’t even know there were that many people in this bar at the time!  And one girl on our team actually recognized me.  It took us a minute, but then we figured out that she was an intern under The Ex.  *side eye

We had a great time, even though some guy from the other team came to help us win and hated that we lost every time.  We literally only won like twice out of 10 games.  But none of us cared.  We were only having fun.  The Scientist was so much fun and so laid back.  Then when it was time to leave, I told him I just had to grab my bag.  He then proceeded to ask me why I even brought it with me as if to say, “aren’t you spending the night?”  And of course this thrilled me.  And then we went back to his place and made love and chilled as I played with his hair and he told me to “get out his kitchen.”  A term I heard for the first time with him.  Yes, my chosen family is mostly comprised of black folks, but that don’t mean I know everything about black culture.  Hell, I don’t know everything about gay culture.  Or British culture (my dad is a Brit).  While lying there, I also admired his numerous tattoos.  In fact, during our 3 month tenure, he got a huge new tattoo outlined on his stomach.  It was a portrait that I’d jokingly make out with.  He thought I was so extra!  Or, as I’ve stated before, I prefer the term histrionic!

I was so excited to see the progress of this tattoo as the weeks would go on.  But the Scientryst would soon come to an explosive end, and I didn’t even see it coming…

Cold Drinks for Warm Weather

I feel as if I have totally failed myself this past week as I used up two more drinking days in May!  They weren’t even very good reasons. Friday I went out with coworkers and checked out the rooftop bar at the new Virgin Hotel in downtown Chicago. I did promise one of them that I’d save a day for her, but I could’ve spread it out better! But the views and weather were worth it. However this warmer weather poses a new challenge as patio season is upon us! 


I am not hungover. But I am a bit foggy this morning. Last night became one of my drinking nights. I have not made the smartest choices this week in regards to my challenge of only drinking 31 days out of the year because I’ve used three of my allotted days for May in the first week of the month! Here are my excuses:

May 2, 2015: I was celebrating a beautiful day, de-stressing from some personal shit, and toasting to the Derby because this is the first time I missed watching it in years. But dogsitting on the beach with a friend was worth missing it since it was the first good day in Chicago in months!

May 4, 2015:  I had a fundraiser for The Night Ministry where I serve on their Associate Board. I paid good money for my ticket so I got my money’s worth drinking, eating, and soaking in the entertainment. I know it’s not very altruistic, but it was still a great event for a great cause!

I did NOT drink on Cinco de Mayo!

May 7, 2015: The Lifeline Theatre Gala was last night and my friend got me a ticket and we enjoyed an open bar. It’s so hard resisting free booze, though I have in the past as you may recall.

I feel guilty for using up my days and for making my body feel toxic. Can I successfully complete this challenge?


As the bottles overflowed with Effen vodka at the Chicago International Film Festival TV Awards, my allotted drinking days began to overflow as well.  I’m slightly over half of my dedicated drinking days, however I’m slightly under half way through the year. I couldn’t resist the top shelf open bar of, though. I’m not much of a vodka drinker because I’m a fan of bourbon, but now and then I enjoy a good vodka cocktail as long as it’s not cheap vodka. So many events offer Svedka when it’s free, but that particular brand especially gives me a headache every time. So I spoiled myself and I did not get sick or have acid this time. Vodka is definitely easier on the reflux. However I did notice that it was not as easy to pass bowel movements the next day. I know that may be a bit too much info, but this drinking challenge is an experiment for me to study my health in realation to my alcohol consumption. And I have noticed that my trips to the bathroom have been much easier since I started. 


The Past 2 Drinking Days

So I drank on Easter, but barely got through one drink the whole day because I was coming down with a cold.  My acid has been bothering me quite a bit lately even without drinking, so I’ve been trying to eat better as well.  I should probably start taking some pills, though, too just to be on the safe side because too much acid reflux can lead to cancer.  Scary, right!

I also drank last night to celebrate the excitement and freedom of the Night of Noise event that the Illinois Safe Schools Alliance hosted at the Thompson Center in downtown Chicago to break the silence of the Day of Silence.  The DOS is a way to combat LGBTQ+ bullying in schools and the NON is a way to break the silence at the end of the day.  After the great event that my boyfriend organized with performances by my friends Mister E. Machine and up-and-coming artist James Panther, I went out with some other friends for drinks.  I was “in the mood,” whatever that means.   My boyfriend obviously had to stay behind and do some work since it was his event so it was just me and my two gay married friends.  Capitalizing on the fact that they were both getting flirted with by some guy at the bar, I got the gentleman to buy us all shots.  I’ve not been much of a shots person since I was 21, and now that I don’t drink that much at all, it probably wasn’t the best idea because the drinks they serve at this particular bar are already strong.  So my night ended with me puking out a cab window while we’re driving 45mph down Lake Shore Drive and getting yelled at by my boyfriend who had to provide me with a bedside trashcan and water once I got home.  I apologize to him and to the next person who opened the car door on the cab.  The emotional and physiological hangover is another reason why I am taking my 31-Day Challenge this year.