The Scientryst pt 4: Explosive Results

Sorry for the delay again; it was Memorial Day/IML weekend and then my friend visited and then the Pride Parade!  I’ve just been so busy!  It’s also taken me a while because this next post hurts to write. This is a very touchy subject and I fear you may judge me. But I promised I’d be honest otherwise what’s the point. Hopefully you can learn from my mistakes. Now for the lengthy conclusion of The Scientryst…  

So I ended up asking The Scientist out on a few actual dates because I finally thought why the hell not?!  And on our last date, we were having a great time as usual.  However, when we got back to his place I sensed something was off but still being new to each other I couldn’t quite figure it out.  So I ignored it.  I stayed the night as usual and then he even kissed me goodbye the next morning.  Nearly a week went by before he contacted me again!  I had NO IDEA why he was ghosting me!!!  It was so unlike us to not text everyday.

Then at midnight on a Saturday, when I should’ve been out living up my single life but instead I was sitting up in bed with The Ex (because the situation was so crazy that we had to live in a studio together), The Scientist texted me.  His text essentially read:

“Honestly, I’ve enjoyed our time together, but your use of the word ‘nigga‘ is way too casual, and I don’t think we should hang out anymore.”

Disclaimer:  yes, I know it’s inappropriate to use this word as a white person.  However–and this is not an excuse but rather an explanation–after more than a decade of living with a black man and surrounding myself with people of color as my Chosen Family, it was a word that I picked up as a colloquial term.  It was more of a learned term rather than an appropriated one.  I had had conversations with my Chosen Family about the word and we had decided that they didn’t care whether I used it or not because I was part of their inner circle.  It was like a term of endearment.  Like I was accepted into a secret society.  I knew, and they knew, that I would NEVER use that word in public or around other black folks…until I did.  By accident.  Or maybe subconsciously I was testing the boundaries or trying to create a life that I once had with The Ex or a life I always desired.  Or perhaps I was subconsciously trying to sabotage our relationship before it had begun.  In any instance, I was just falling so fast and becoming VERY intimate with The Scientist so quickly that I automatically put him in that inner circle.  That in itself wasn’t fair as we were still new to each other and neither of us ready for anything serious.  But it also wasn’t fair because I didn’t discuss it with him as I had with my Chosen Family.

So I instantly texted him back to explain this, but I’m pretty sure he’d already blocked my number.  He’d blocked me on the dating app on which we met.  We were never connected on social media.  So we were over in the matter of an instant text message.  I.  Was.  Devastated.  Do you know how hard it is to hold back tears of heartbreak when you’re sitting in bed with The Ex who that recently broke your heart????  It takes every piece of energy in your bones!

I knew The Scientist was going abroad for a month-long business trip the next week. So I decided to give him the next few days to cool off and then I’d drop off a card with his door person.  I wrote a heartfelt apology and wished him safe travels, included some temporary tattoos as a peace offering and waited a month for his return. But a month came and passed with no response. Even though The Ex and I had been over for a very long time, the heartbreak was still fresh. I’d never dealt with heartbreak before and now suddenly I was dealing with a double heartbreak‼️ And I finally thought I was nearing the end of the Age of Heartbreak. It’s gut wrenching. Heartbreak is literally every emotion wrapped into one.

Okay, I lied. Next week’s post will be an epilogue to The Scientryst. And then I promised my friends I’d move on. Even I’m tired of thinking about the situation.  But you can’t help the way you feel, right?  Like is he the one that got away?  I try to think of it as I’m the one that got away!

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afterTHOT: Boi From The Loop

So after grabbing drinks with Work Wifey on a random weeknight, we started walking back toward the train.  As we turned the corner on Lake and Michigan downtown in the Chicago Loop, I locked eyes with this sexy young, black man who was walking in my direction with his brother.  We’ll call him Boi From The Loop.  I eye-flirted, of course, and then kept on toward the train with Work Wifey.  However, as we turned the corner he comes running around the building and yells at me:

“Where are you going?”

Of course I turned around and started to physically flirt at this point.  I told him I had to get my Work Wifey to the train, because I don’t let her walk by herself after we’ve been drinking.  So Boi From The Loop and I decided to exchange numbers.  After NYE, we were texting and he said he drank so much he was drunk crying.  And I totally get what drunk crying is, but in the moment I was trying to make a joke which totally came out wrong and I said something along the lines of

“I totally understand crying.  I recently broke up with The Ex of 12yrs!”

What!

The!

Fuck!

What was I thinking!  And it’s even worse because you can edit texts before you send them!  Needless to say, that was the last time I saw him!  Hahaha!  I have such a learning curve when it comes to dating!!!

afterTHOT: I Forgot My Jockstrap

So I’m finally conquering my feels and getting around to writing my first afterTHOT post. As I mentioned previously, these will be smaller posts about my experiences within the dating realm.

The first THOT Ima talk about is myself.  Early in mine and The Scientist’s “relationship,” I spent a glorious night at his place and the next day I actually got ready for work at his apartment.  So I jumped in the shower and he gave me a toothbrush.  A toothbrush, ya’ll!  That I left at his place!  This meant he wanted me to come back more often, right?!  So I’m totally not ashamed to wear the same pair of underwear two days in a row, but he was like, no borrow mine.  I’ll admit that weirded me out a bit, but it also kinda turned me on!  How could I resist borrowing a clean pair of undies from the cutest boy ever!  Well, in the midst of packing up my stuff and getting ready, I forgot my blue jockstrap (one of my fave pairs of undies) on his living room floor where I’d tossed them the night before in a throe of passion.

Later that day The Scientist’s Judies (as he refers to his friends like an old queen) came over and were chatting on his couch when he noticed my jockstrap on his shag rug.  He quickly hid it under the couch with a sweep of his foot.  And he almost got away with it too until one of his friends decided to lounge on the floor and happened to peak under the couch and recognize a pair of underwear that was not his style!  Of course they gave him a hard time for letting a trollop he barely knew walk out in his underwear.  But that’s the life of someone Independent Single and Free!

Freedom Isn’t Free

For the first time in 33 years, I’m about to be completely on my own. It’s such an exciting time in my life. I think it’s something I’ve always wanted, yet I’m scared outta my fucking mind! Adulting with another adult is hard enough! How the hell do I do it by myself? Perhaps it’ll be easier because I’m not responsible for anyone else. But that seems a selfish way of thinking after a very, very LTR!

The Ex and I pretty much started our relationship on the day we met…which will be 12 years ago this month. However, I have no idea on which day our relationship ended. I suppose the last official day will be April 30, 2017 when our lease is up.  Yes, you read that correctly. I am living in a shitty, broke down, roach-infested box…With. The. Ex! I have deemed this studio apartment the Pigeon Hole. The view out the only window is a brick wall of the neighboring residence which forms a nasty little alcove with the brick wall of my residence. In this alcove, pigeons like to coo. Pigeons like to shit. Pigeons like to fuck. And they’re noisy fuckers.

So how the hell did I get conned into moving into a crappy, confined Pigeon Hole with The Ex?  Because you don’t just throw away 11 years (at that time), right? He’d provided for me. And now he was out of a job for the first time ever. But I was just starting my first full time job; I couldn’t support us both living in the one bedroom that we’d been in for 7 years.  And so we were kicked out and forced to find the Pigeon Hole. 

So why did it end after more than a decade? That’s an answer I have to be careful in formulating over the course of the coming weeks. I don’t want to be unfair to The Ex. We may despise each other now, but I have respect for him still. However, I promised myself I’d be honest to the 5 people reading this and to myself. So how did it end? Essentially the answer may be that we were doomed from the start like some Shakespeare shit…