afterTHOT: Boi From The Loop

So after grabbing drinks with Work Wifey on a random weeknight, we started walking back toward the train.  As we turned the corner on Lake and Michigan downtown in the Chicago Loop, I locked eyes with this sexy young, black man who was walking in my direction with his brother.  We’ll call him Boi From The Loop.  I eye-flirted, of course, and then kept on toward the train with Work Wifey.  However, as we turned the corner he comes running around the building and yells at me:

“Where are you going?”

Of course I turned around and started to physically flirt at this point.  I told him I had to get my Work Wifey to the train, because I don’t let her walk by herself after we’ve been drinking.  So Boi From The Loop and I decided to exchange numbers.  After NYE, we were texting and he said he drank so much he was drunk crying.  And I totally get what drunk crying is, but in the moment I was trying to make a joke which totally came out wrong and I said something along the lines of

“I totally understand crying.  I recently broke up with The Ex of 12yrs!”

What!

The!

Fuck!

What was I thinking!  And it’s even worse because you can edit texts before you send them!  Needless to say, that was the last time I saw him!  Hahaha!  I have such a learning curve when it comes to dating!!!

afterTHOT: I Forgot My Jockstrap

So I’m finally conquering my feels and getting around to writing my first afterTHOT post. As I mentioned previously, these will be smaller posts about my experiences within the dating realm.

The first THOT Ima talk about is myself.  Early in mine and The Scientist’s “relationship,” I spent a glorious night at his place and the next day I actually got ready for work at his apartment.  So I jumped in the shower and he gave me a toothbrush.  A toothbrush, ya’ll!  That I left at his place!  This meant he wanted me to come back more often, right?!  So I’m totally not ashamed to wear the same pair of underwear two days in a row, but he was like, no borrow mine.  I’ll admit that weirded me out a bit, but it also kinda turned me on!  How could I resist borrowing a clean pair of undies from the cutest boy ever!  Well, in the midst of packing up my stuff and getting ready, I forgot my blue jockstrap (one of my fave pairs of undies) on his living room floor where I’d tossed them the night before in a throe of passion.

Later that day The Scientist’s Judies (as he refers to his friends like an old queen) came over and were chatting on his couch when he noticed my jockstrap on his shag rug.  He quickly hid it under the couch with a sweep of his foot.  And he almost got away with it too until one of his friends decided to lounge on the floor and happened to peak under the couch and recognize a pair of underwear that was not his style!  Of course they gave him a hard time for letting a trollop he barely knew walk out in his underwear.  But that’s the life of someone Independent Single and Free!

Freedom Isn’t Free

For the first time in 33 years, I’m about to be completely on my own. It’s such an exciting time in my life. I think it’s something I’ve always wanted, yet I’m scared outta my fucking mind! Adulting with another adult is hard enough! How the hell do I do it by myself? Perhaps it’ll be easier because I’m not responsible for anyone else. But that seems a selfish way of thinking after a very, very LTR!

The Ex and I pretty much started our relationship on the day we met…which will be 12 years ago this month. However, I have no idea on which day our relationship ended. I suppose the last official day will be April 30, 2017 when our lease is up.  Yes, you read that correctly. I am living in a shitty, broke down, roach-infested box…With. The. Ex! I have deemed this studio apartment the Pigeon Hole. The view out the only window is a brick wall of the neighboring residence which forms a nasty little alcove with the brick wall of my residence. In this alcove, pigeons like to coo. Pigeons like to shit. Pigeons like to fuck. And they’re noisy fuckers.

So how the hell did I get conned into moving into a crappy, confined Pigeon Hole with The Ex?  Because you don’t just throw away 11 years (at that time), right? He’d provided for me. And now he was out of a job for the first time ever. But I was just starting my first full time job; I couldn’t support us both living in the one bedroom that we’d been in for 7 years.  And so we were kicked out and forced to find the Pigeon Hole. 

So why did it end after more than a decade? That’s an answer I have to be careful in formulating over the course of the coming weeks. I don’t want to be unfair to The Ex. We may despise each other now, but I have respect for him still. However, I promised myself I’d be honest to the 5 people reading this and to myself. So how did it end? Essentially the answer may be that we were doomed from the start like some Shakespeare shit…