So I took an extra day this week to write my letters. One in particular demanded more time and focus as it was dedicated to The Ex. I wanted to make sure his letter was full. But it’s difficult to put into words the emotions, feelings, and power that he bestowed upon me. There’s no one in this world that has had an impact on my life like he had. We may no longer be boyfriends, but his influence on my life is so grand and everlasting. And that can never be taken away.
One the challenges when writing my inspiration letters has been finding diverse language to use. It’s hard to find a lot of different words for thanking someone. I don’t want to sound redundant but there’s not a lot of synonyms for “thank you” or “inspiration” or “admire”. I want the language to reflect how unique each inspiration is!
Also, I’m still tryna figure out how to post each letter without being overwhelming, so any suggestions would be nice!
Well…I wasn’t quite so successful at planning out dates for myself on a monthly basis this year. I did, however, take myself out by myself on occasion, but usually impromptu and for only a nightcap. Which is one of my fave things to do at this cute local cocktail bar.
I also went out quite often with friends, both on planned and impromptu outings. I realize that’s exactly what I needed. I wanted to celebrate life with loved ones. My chosen family. Last year was all about my path to independence and this year was all about spending time with the ones who helped me get where I am today. And my annual birthday shows reflected that the past two years respectively.
My favorite part of the night of my birthday show was making everyone feel like royalty, literally, and watching everyone find the perfect crown just for them!
As for my 35th Birthday Resolution, I’m going to write a letter each day to a different person, place or thing that has inspired me in some way throughout my lifetime.
Well I’ve done it again. I’ve just ignored my dates the past two months. Its not that I haven’t treated myself. Believe me I have. I just haven’t taken the time to plan out a date with myself. I know that in May, I at least woke up one Saturday morning and thought to myself “if ain’t nobody around today, Ima do brunch around the corner and have bottomless bloodies and mimosas by myself. It’ll be my date for May.”
And so that was my date as I sat at the bar and chatted with folks around me and with the bartender who also happened to be a philosopher.
However, I did just get back from a pseudo-planned solo trip to Cali for this month! It’s a mega-date with myself. I’ve always wanted to take a solo trip, even when I was with The Ex. And now I’m finally doing it. I’ve traveled alone to go meet people before, but this was a trip just for me. I didn’t meet up with anyone. I didn’t set any plans in stone. All I knew upfront was that I wanted to speed by some of the landmarks and focus on just exploring LA and San Fran. That’s right! I’ve always wanted to visit both places. I have preconceived notions about each city, but I had to make up my own mind through my own experience. I was nervous that I might not be as extroverted as usual and I’d be too shy to meet new people. But right off the jump I was already meeting people on the plane and riding the shuttle into the city together. I talk led to locals and dove bar bartenders for recommendations and did some of their suggestions. But in the end I mostly relaxed and walked within a 5 block radius of my room. I stayed in the gayborhood in both LA and SF. And drove up part of the PCH to view the scenic route. I could barely afford anything. And at first I got mad at myself for not exploring more, but I did explore and relaxed and found inner peace and tranquility. I learned a lot about myself which is for me and no one else.
I’m already ready for my next trip!
February was another month I was extremely busy with planning an event for over 700 guests, so finding time for myself was not easy. I planned to go see Black Panther and take myself to dinner, but then I decided to take The Ex to the movie on his birthday instead. He did take me out for a $100 sushi dinner for mine, so it seemed right. I know a lot of you might think I was headed down a very dangerous path by taking him out after all the things I wrote about him doing last year. But it’s hard to let go of 12 years together. But I am cautious enough to keep him at arm’s length.
I did go out almost every night in February. So I definitely treated myself, but I’m trying to make a conscious effort of planning one night to spoil myself. I’ll make a stronger effort next month.
Well I survived 2017, but it wasn’t easy. Amazing things happened throughout the year as I claimed my independence and freedom as a single person. I tried to document my journey along the way, but it was a lot harder to document while still processing the emotions than I realized. Yes, writing helps me process but it also forces me to think about the situation which I wasn’t always ready to do. My last post was in August, and a few weeks later would’ve been mine and The Ex’s official 12th anniversary. Ironically our anniversary of becoming exclusive was 9/11. That should’ve been a sign.
It was also difficult to write about the loved ones who hurt me while also respecting their privacy. But then again, why should I hold back from sharing factors of my own truths; they haven’t considered my feelings.
I made mistakes. I battled a double heartbreak. I was faced with discovering who I really am. Do I enjoy and respect that person? I tried to be honest and open with my chosen family and my lovahs. I gained new friends. I met new lovahs and lost other lovahs. I embarrassed myself. I was proud of myself. I earned a grant and produced a show. I worked hard and played harder. I created a demo for an EP all about my road to independence and performed those songs and some stories for my annual birthday show. It was one of the most healing processes I’ve ever gone through. That really does just prove the power of art. And now I understand the strength and popularity of heartbreak albums in so much more depth.
My experiences inspired my current Birthday Resolution which I realized I haven’t announced yet. During my 34th year I am going on a monthly date with myself. Taking myself on dates is something I’ve been doing for years, even while dating The Ex. But this year I wanted to make a conscious effort to do so regularly, so stay tuned to hear all about them!
Well I’m late on this post (as per usual) bc my weekend was jam packed full of fabulosity. My weekends have always been busy, but now that I’m single, I am filling every moment with life‼️ It started with seeing a new musical with old friends out in the burbs. Before the show, we had dinner on a fancy rooftop terrace where we mingled with the Artistic Director and the Director and some cast members.
Then on Saturday I saw The Ex to take care of some bitnass. Then I went and hung out wit my girl Scary and her baby and best friend from way back when. Then Red Flamingo and I met another friend in Boystown to celebrate his bday in the aftermath of Market Days. We had a ton of impromptu adventures. We found a random photo booth in the middle of the street and took pics. Then we found a random free late nite magic show in an empty storefront. We watched the magician do some cute parlor tricks and some devil shit and left with cute souvenirs. Then we met up with my Sister In Divorce (SID) and his new boyfriend and we drank a bottle in the middle of the shut down street so we could people-watch before going into a club on the north side of the strip to dance. Every club in the heart of Btown was too expensive and I’ve never, in all my years here, seen the lines so long. There were literally three lines wrapped around the block just to get into Progress. Those fools. The club ain’t even that big so you ain’t gettin in tonite, boos‼️ Then a bar fight broke out right next to me on the dance floor. I had to literally push them off of me but couldn’t step back because of the wall of people behind me. SID pulled Red Flamingo back into his arms and pushed his bf behind him to protect them as we heard the thump of a fist in a chest. I was left to defend myself. Hahaha. The one guy flew to the floor. They was both sexy. And then he jumped to his knees like some Arya Stark shit. And then he just got up and walked away. The battle was over. The next day we continued to celebrate our friend’s bday and did $10 bottomless mimosas/bloodys in our hood. The server was sexy AF but not very attentive. And then we went to Market Days and enjoyed live music and dancing in the street. I missed Ce Ce Peniston perform though. I always miss the concerts I wanna see on the south stage. I missed La Bouche last year. 😒😒 But I had a blast. Then I ran into tons of friends. Then me and Red Flamingo and the bday boy went to my place to watch GoT and Issa…
And then I was alone again.