Speeding Toward Heartbreak

Once again, I am late with the Sunday post (obvi!).  I clearly backdated this post! Ha!

Red Flamingo and I went to a gay speed dating event the other week.  I’d met the Executive Director (ED) of a non-profit organization at the Onyx Party during International Mr. Leather over Memorial Day Weekend.  Of course, I was one of very few white people at this event, and of course I ended up knowing more of the black men in the room than the black guys I was with!  And of course they accused me of sleeping with all of them!  Ha!  Only one of them, though!  Ha!  Anyway, ED gave me a postcard for the speed dating and I convinced Red Flamingo to go with me the next month.  I wish I’d flirted a little more with ED, but it was a hectic night and we rushed out to the next party.

Red Flamingo and I were expecting something awkward.  We expected to have funny horror stories to tell, but it actually turned out to be quite cute.  And the free food was AWESOME:  jerk chicken, plantains, beans & rice, and a chocolate fondue fountain.  The organizers said they refused to just get a pizza.  There was free testing happening onsite as well.  It was a cute event that brought the community together.  Once again, I was the only white dude.  There was no potential love interest, but there were potential friends to be made.

This was only the second or third time they’d done the event, so it wasn’t very organized.  There were some improvements needed, and ED asked us to email him if we had any suggestions.  Some of the fellas had been to the other events.  I had a great time meeting new folks, and had great conversation with two of them in particular.  I feel like it’s a cute event for the gay community, especially those of color.  So after the 4th of July weekend, I decided WTF, Ima send him some feedback.  I also thought WTF, and told ED that he could share my info with those two guys if they’re looking for friends.  I also thought WTF and told ED that one of the main reasons I went to the speed dating event was because I was hoping I’d run into him!  He never responded to my email!  Ha!  No skin off my back, but I’m just in this place in life where I just don’t see the point in not living my life to the fullest and taking chances!


afterTHOT: A Shitty Date

Here I go again with the brutal honesty.  One minute I feel like I’m on top of the world and the next I’m feeling like an epic failure when it comes to dating…

A couple Fridays ago I met my friend, the Red Flamingo, out for drinks with his coworkers.  At the first bar, we met this girl who was traveling from California on her own.  His coworkers called it an early night and we took this Traveler to Boystown with us.  While dancing at one of my favorite bars, this sexy black man started dancing with me!  I’ll refer to him as Tiny Dancer.  Then the Red Flamingo pushed me into him.  Although, we were already dancing, so it was kind of pointless, but he was trying to be a good wingman.  Tiny Dancer and I exchanged numbers and started texting all week.  We made plans to go out the next Sunday.  He even said that he thought I was 22y/o!  I’m sure that was a lie, but I’ll take it!

I flew to Jacksonville, FL, the hole of the earth, for work that week.  So from Thursday to Saturday I was doing nothing but drinking free dranks at work receptions.  Tiny Dancer picked me up that Sunday and we went to Pride Fest.  FullSizeRender (1)We were both running into people we knew all over the place.  And that was awkward at times considering half the people we ran into were my lovahs!  But one of his friends was a bartender and we got three free $14 sangrias each!  So the day was going well!

We ended up at one of the bars on the strip.  When one of my jams came on, I left him at the front bar to go dance in the back.  As I started getting my groove on, I had to let out a little fart.  That’s when I realized I’d been drinking ALL weekend and hadn’t eaten any food that day.  It totally ended up NOT being a fart.  I totally sharted myself!  And I mean it was pure liquid.  The back of my LIGHT BLUE shorts were completely covered in shit!  I was mortified!  So I ran to the bathroom and THANK GOODNESS a stall was open.  So I locked myself in and tried to clean myself up but there was no hope!  I sat in the stall for like 10min trying to figure out what the hell to do.  Then I decided to text Tiny Dancer and let him know that I sat in something really gross and had to leave.

He was sweet and found me in the stall and knocked on the door and asked to see how bad it was.  I said “NO!  It’s horrible, I have to go,” and I ran out of the club with my T-shirt stretched down to my knees.  Of course being Pride Fest, there were TONS of people on the street, so I cut down the side street toward the residential area and ordered an Uber.  Two Ubers cancelled on me in a row as I was just standing in the middle of the street covered in my own feces.  Then finally an Uber picked me up and I politely sat on my hip so as not to dirty up the seat.  I immediately rolled down the window as we started to drive off, and then the driver rolled down ALL THE WINDOWS!

Thankfully the Red Flamingo came to my rescue.  He told me to go home and wash my ass and he’d be right over with some green!  I was devastated and mortified, and Tiny Dancer and I have barely texted since!!!  Do you think he figured out what happened?  Do you think anyone in the dark club or on the street knew?!  Being independent, single and free is not quite as easy as I’d hoped!


Why is it that as adults it seems like the only forms of entertainment that we have involve drinking? We are  engrained with the thought that the only way to socialize is with a cocktail.  We tell ourselves we need to unwind at the end of the day with a beer.  We celebrate mundane achievements with the indulgence of a shot. We raise our wine glasses to toast anything. “I’ll drink to that,” as the saying goes.  We use any excuse to get drunk. We use drinking as any excuse to lose responsibility or forget the night. We think it only polite to offer an alcoholic beverage to our guests.

Though our everyday tasks don’t necessarily garner a celebratory drink, some major life events do. Like one of my best friend’s weddings! Knowing that I was going to be in New York City for five days while my friend got married, I allotted two of my remaining drinking days to that trip. One for the reception and one for the bachelor party. But instead I used up  all of them because, of course, every day I was there was an excuse to drink. I am disappointed in myself. My last day while I was in the airport by myself waiting for my plane to stop getting delayed, I had a drink. So technically I went over by one day. But it was one drink. But did I even really need it? I remember consciously telling myself not to order it.

I don’t think I’ll let anyone else down if I continue to go over my days the rest of the year. But I’ve let myself down. Isn’t that just as bad?  My whole life I’ve been in competition with myself. Because after all, I am the only one who’s with me the rest of my life and at every moment. Isn’t it important to be proud one’s myself?

Red, White, and Booze

I suppose I’ve procrastinated on writing about my last two drinking days because I don’t want them to be real. As summer approaches, it gets harder and harder to say no to a cool drink. There’s nothing like patio weather in Chicago to make one want to day-drink as a relaxation activity. Accidental binge drinking does occur for everyone in the city this time of year. Do my cravings make me normal or make me an alcoholic?!

Drinking Day #24 was Memorial Day — a beautiful day with friends and sangria at the Waterfront Cafe which overlooks Lake Michigan. It truly was a Red, White, and Blue day with red sangria, white clouds, and blue water!


About a week later I had drinks again when I went out with my girl to CeCe Peniston’s Sew Unique Swimwear fashion show on Friday. My girlfriend and I like to leave our men at home sometimes and have our own date nights. So it only seemed appropriate to have a drink while in the VIP section.

But now I have only 6 days left to last me until December 9th — technically the 8th since the 9th resets my year. Everyone has been asking me if I’ve had my days saved for specific dates, and up until now, I’ve just been going with the flow deciding as I go.  Of course I knew that some specific holidays would be Drinking Days, though. Now here is how I’m allocating the remainder of my Drinking Days:

  1. Chicago Pride Parade (June)
  2. Friend’s bachelor party (July)
  3. 4th of July (July)
  4. Sister’s birthday or Market Days Festival if I don’t see her for her birthday (August)
  5. Father’s birthday–if I see him during this occasion (September)
  6. Thanksgiving (November)

Wish me luck!

Cold Drinks for Warm Weather

I feel as if I have totally failed myself this past week as I used up two more drinking days in May!  They weren’t even very good reasons. Friday I went out with coworkers and checked out the rooftop bar at the new Virgin Hotel in downtown Chicago. I did promise one of them that I’d save a day for her, but I could’ve spread it out better! But the views and weather were worth it. However this warmer weather poses a new challenge as patio season is upon us! 


I am not hungover. But I am a bit foggy this morning. Last night became one of my drinking nights. I have not made the smartest choices this week in regards to my challenge of only drinking 31 days out of the year because I’ve used three of my allotted days for May in the first week of the month! Here are my excuses:

May 2, 2015: I was celebrating a beautiful day, de-stressing from some personal shit, and toasting to the Derby because this is the first time I missed watching it in years. But dogsitting on the beach with a friend was worth missing it since it was the first good day in Chicago in months!

May 4, 2015:  I had a fundraiser for The Night Ministry where I serve on their Associate Board. I paid good money for my ticket so I got my money’s worth drinking, eating, and soaking in the entertainment. I know it’s not very altruistic, but it was still a great event for a great cause!

I did NOT drink on Cinco de Mayo!

May 7, 2015: The Lifeline Theatre Gala was last night and my friend got me a ticket and we enjoyed an open bar. It’s so hard resisting free booze, though I have in the past as you may recall.

I feel guilty for using up my days and for making my body feel toxic. Can I successfully complete this challenge?


As the bottles overflowed with Effen vodka at the Chicago International Film Festival TV Awards, my allotted drinking days began to overflow as well.  I’m slightly over half of my dedicated drinking days, however I’m slightly under half way through the year. I couldn’t resist the top shelf open bar of, though. I’m not much of a vodka drinker because I’m a fan of bourbon, but now and then I enjoy a good vodka cocktail as long as it’s not cheap vodka. So many events offer Svedka when it’s free, but that particular brand especially gives me a headache every time. So I spoiled myself and I did not get sick or have acid this time. Vodka is definitely easier on the reflux. However I did notice that it was not as easy to pass bowel movements the next day. I know that may be a bit too much info, but this drinking challenge is an experiment for me to study my health in realation to my alcohol consumption. And I have noticed that my trips to the bathroom have been much easier since I started.