Yes, I’m a little further behind than usual because I was travelling and then there was the 4th of July holiday, and then I was also just living my best life at the beach and with friends. We Chicagoans only get a few months of outdoor weather, so we have to take advantage. I’ve got some REALLY special people in this next batch of letters. And I wouldn’t be where I am today without them. That’s what’s really empowering about this project–it allows me to reflect upon the things that have made me who I am today. I totally encourage you to write a letter to someone or something that inspires you. Maybe not 365 letters, but I think that you can really learn a lot about yourself when you thank others for their contributions to your life.
Well, May 9 was the official halfway mark for my resolution, thus June starts the last half of the year. As you can imagine, it’s getting harder to randomly draw a number that hasn’t already been drawn before (because if you’ll recall, I actually use a random number generator online rather than actually pulling remaining names from a hat).
So that does take a little extra time each morning when I have to “draw” a new number two, three times in a row. And sometimes that takes even more time because there’s no WiFi on the train, and I’m usually outta data so I’m constantly getting yelled at by my dad because we’re on a plan together. Ha! But it’s a time well spent because it’s something I’m dedicated to. Although I suppose I could re-sort the spreadsheet in a way that could make it easier? I’d have to think a little harder about that. Ha!
Well…this round of letters includes dedications to two people who have impacted my life immensely: The Scientist and my sister. This is part of the reason this batch has taken me so long. I’ve been equally excited and nervous to write these letters, and I wanted to do them justice.
It’s ironic that I drew The Scientist on the day that I did because I’m pretty sure it’s the anniversary of (or close to) the date that I sent him flowers as an apology. He will never know how sorry I am and how much he’s truly inspired me to be a better person. Writing “to” him reopens those wounds of heartbreak, but I can’t deny the fact that he has influenced my life in a variety of ways. I want to tell him a thousand times that I’m sorry. But that’s not what any of these letters are for. This letter is to thank him for his inspiration, so that’s how I’ll keep it. Besides, I’m not actually sending him the letter anyway; I promised him I wouldn’t bother him again. So it’s up to the universe if he ever sees these words.
As for my sister, I will love her so deeply until the end of time. But love rarely comes without heartbreak and it’s not like we haven’t hurt each other. But I don’t think I can ever describe the power of her inspiration on me in a few words. But I shall try…
This year’s resolution came about while working on my most recent birthday show where I wrote duets with my friends. My 2017 show was all about my path to independence; for my 2018 show I wanted to honor the people who helped me get there. And so I wanted to continue this theme of gratitude throughout the year with my Birthday Resolution and write letters to the folx who’ve made a difference in my life. Since there are so many influencers in my life, it only made sense to write a letter everyday this year! And believe it or not, that’s not enough days to express thanks to all my inspirations!
Okay here comes another excuse for my tardiness in posting. But I’ve been distracted lately with finalizing things for my unemployment and food stamps. I also had a couple birthdays last week. And then I started a contract job last week. I had a very terrible couple days last week. I mean just the worst I’ve had in a very long time. And believe me, I can handle stress. Struggle is all I’ve ever known, so when it gets to a point that it effects me, then it’s a lot all at once.
But these are exactly the times I need my inspiration. So writing my letters has been slow this week but very much needed.
Well…I wasn’t quite so successful at planning out dates for myself on a monthly basis this year. I did, however, take myself out by myself on occasion, but usually impromptu and for only a nightcap. Which is one of my fave things to do at this cute local cocktail bar.
I also went out quite often with friends, both on planned and impromptu outings. I realize that’s exactly what I needed. I wanted to celebrate life with loved ones. My chosen family. Last year was all about my path to independence and this year was all about spending time with the ones who helped me get where I am today. And my annual birthday shows reflected that the past two years respectively.
My favorite part of the night of my birthday show was making everyone feel like royalty, literally, and watching everyone find the perfect crown just for them!
As for my 35th Birthday Resolution, I’m going to write a letter each day to a different person, place or thing that has inspired me in some way throughout my lifetime.
Well I’ve done it again. I’ve just ignored my dates the past two months. Its not that I haven’t treated myself. Believe me I have. I just haven’t taken the time to plan out a date with myself. I know that in May, I at least woke up one Saturday morning and thought to myself “if ain’t nobody around today, Ima do brunch around the corner and have bottomless bloodies and mimosas by myself. It’ll be my date for May.”
And so that was my date as I sat at the bar and chatted with folks around me and with the bartender who also happened to be a philosopher.
However, I did just get back from a pseudo-planned solo trip to Cali for this month! It’s a mega-date with myself. I’ve always wanted to take a solo trip, even when I was with The Ex. And now I’m finally doing it. I’ve traveled alone to go meet people before, but this was a trip just for me. I didn’t meet up with anyone. I didn’t set any plans in stone. All I knew upfront was that I wanted to speed by some of the landmarks and focus on just exploring LA and San Fran. That’s right! I’ve always wanted to visit both places. I have preconceived notions about each city, but I had to make up my own mind through my own experience. I was nervous that I might not be as extroverted as usual and I’d be too shy to meet new people. But right off the jump I was already meeting people on the plane and riding the shuttle into the city together. I talk led to locals and dove bar bartenders for recommendations and did some of their suggestions. But in the end I mostly relaxed and walked within a 5 block radius of my room. I stayed in the gayborhood in both LA and SF. And drove up part of the PCH to view the scenic route. I could barely afford anything. And at first I got mad at myself for not exploring more, but I did explore and relaxed and found inner peace and tranquility. I learned a lot about myself which is for me and no one else.
I’m already ready for my next trip!