Living My Fab Life

Well I’m late on this post (as per usual) bc my weekend was jam packed full of fabulosity. My weekends have always been busy, but now that I’m single, I am filling every moment with life‼️ It started with seeing a new musical with old friends out in the burbs. Before the show, we had dinner on a fancy rooftop terrace where we mingled with the Artistic Director and the Director and some cast members.


Then on Saturday I saw The Ex to take care of some bitnass.  Then I went and hung out wit my girl Scary and her baby and best friend from way back when. Then Red Flamingo and I met another friend in Boystown to celebrate his bday in the aftermath of Market Days. We had a ton of impromptu adventures. We found a random photo booth in the middle of the street and took pics. Then we found a random free late nite magic show in an empty storefront. We watched the magician do some cute parlor tricks and some devil shit and left with cute souvenirs. Then we met up with my Sister In Divorce (SID) and his new boyfriend and we drank a bottle in the middle of the shut down street so we could people-watch before going into a club on the north side of the strip to dance. Every club in the heart of Btown was too expensive and I’ve never, in all my years here, seen the lines so long. There were literally three lines wrapped around the block just to get into Progress. Those fools. The club ain’t even that big so you ain’t gettin in tonite, boos‼️ Then a bar fight broke out right next to me on the dance floor. I had to literally push them off of me but couldn’t step back because of the wall of people behind me. SID pulled Red Flamingo back into his arms and pushed his bf behind him to protect them as we heard the thump of a fist in a chest. I was left to defend myself. Hahaha. The one guy flew to the floor. They was both sexy. And then he jumped to his knees like some Arya Stark shit. And then he just got up and walked away.  The battle was over. The next day we continued to celebrate our friend’s bday and did $10 bottomless mimosas/bloodys in our hood. The server was sexy AF but not very attentive. And then we went to Market Days and enjoyed live music and dancing in the street. I missed Ce Ce Peniston perform though. I always miss the concerts I wanna see on the south stage. I missed La Bouche last year. 😒😒 But I had a blast. Then I ran into tons of friends. Then me and Red Flamingo and the bday boy went to my place to watch GoT and Issa…

And then I was alone again.

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Claiming Independence 

I’m not really a superstitious person, but I do believe that the way you ring in your new year is the way that you spend the rest of it. For example, on NYE 2015 (the night before 2016, just to be clear) I was in the ER with an inflamed colon (excruciating pain while shitting liquid blood!). Then I was in the ER three more times with kidney stones over the course of 2016 (also excruciating pain while pissing liquid blood!). On every occasion, I was alone. Granted, The Ex and I were technically over at that point. But seriously? He couldn’t come with me to the hospital? After 12 years together? Instead he wanted to antagonize me and go back to sleep.

As I writhed on the floor in pain from the stabbing rock in my back The Ex told me to “get it together.” In that moment I was convinced that they’d dedicate an episode of Snapped to me! (Is that show still on?)

So when NYE rolled around this time, I decided I needed to experience an exciting night: On. My. Own. I love taking myself out on dates, but I is it weird to go out on such  major holiday by myself?! In the end I decided to give zero fucks! I had a great night going solo! Solo YOLO if you will. It was my unofficial announcement to the world that I am single and free! I wore glitter beard and matching sparkly shoes along with a mesh jacket and a mesh tank top I’d recently purchased for too much money in NYC.

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I didn’t have any plans up until the day of. I knew I didn’t want to go to the straight bar with my friends, especially not for $75! So I researched the best deal on the Boystown strip and found that Progress Bar gave you the most bang for your buck! Including a bottle of champagne if you returned the next day. And of course I fucking came and got that bottle. I made sure I wasn’t too hung over to get what I paid for, bitches!

So that night, just as I always do, I met some cool people at the bar and danced the night away! I was just naughty enough, like the Vegas commercials, and made out with this boy I’d previously chatted to online. Poor thing’s face was covered in glitter and I couldn’t wipe it off. Anyone who was even partly sober could’ve easily devised that we had locked lips. Then later on I met up with my Mexican friends at the Latino gay bar up the street. And then I was home by 2am at the latest, slept in, and then caught brunch with my friend who then went with me to get that free bottle of champagne.

Let the single life officially begin!

Age of Heartbreak

Given the nature of this blog, how can I not write a post on Valentine’s Day? Even though this was never a huge holiday for me and The Ex, it was still something we would at least casually acknowledge by exchanging small tokens. However, this will be the first Valentine’s I’ll spend as a bachelor in over a decade!

Will I celebrate? My independence, yes. But this day? This day, no. This day is for romance. And I’m not feeling romantic. I’m feeling heartbroken. As much as I appreciate a nice date, it just doesn’t seem appropriate during this new chapter in my life–a transitional stage I’ve deemed the Age of Heartbreak.

I never knew that heartbreak was more than sadness. But it is. It’s much more than that. It’s anger and resentment and sorrow and confusion. And worst of all it’s loneliness. A feeling with which I’m unfortunately all too familiar. I also never knew that someone other than your lover could cause you heartbreak. But anyone dear to you can break your heart.

Now this is one of those moments where it’s hard to share my story and be respectful of my loved ones while doing so. But I’ve made a promise to be honest and I’ve made attempts to keep everyone anonymous. Therefore I tell you this:  The Ex and a Family Member both continue to break my heart as I watch them struggle with their respective addictions.

For over two years now The Ex has left needles and cock rings and douches around the house while trying to lie to me and tell me that he’s “holding them for a friend.” Like he’s a teenager hiding his bestie’s pornos under his mattress. No bitch, you had a sex party on the bed that we share!  That’s why you had to wash the sheets. He’s also given my underwear away to his tricks. He’s given away my expensive lotions and toiletries. I’ve confronted him about sleeping with guys he’d bring over, and then he’d deny it. Bitch, I saw the video! And yet I still feel guilty when staying the night at someone else’s house. I gotta get out of this situation.

I can’t run away from my Family Member because we’re flesh and blood. And if I run away from The Ex, I feel like I’m abandoning him in his time of need. But I gotta look out for myself. The countdown to the end of April is on!

February will have a few extra posts due to the significance that this month had in my recently ended relationship. Otherwise you can expect a new blog post every Sunday with a mini post known as the afterTHOT each Wednesday. 

Previous Commitments

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Twisted Love

I was finally in a place where I was beginning to love myself when The Ex and I met. And so I had made these promises to myself early on:

  1. Never become a teacher because school sucks!
  2. Never settle down with your first relationship because you need to know all your options.
  3. Don’t settle down before your career is underway.

Well, I fuckin’ broke all those rules. And I may have harbored some resentment that I projected onto The Ex, which is unfair I know, but I’m only human and this was my first relationship so I was learning on the go. But breaking those rules actually helped me accomplish some goals. Teaching theatre made me realize that my mission as an artist is not only to entertain but also to heal AND educate with my work. And I wasn’t missing out on fun with other guys because The Ex and I would bring other boys into the bedroom on occasion. And my career actually started to develop because of the support from The Ex. I am so grateful for everything he’s done for me. Neither of us would be where we are today without the other, though sometimes he may not recognize all that I did for him. Asshole. Seriously, he’s delusional.  *side eye*

My resentment toward myself for not “following my dreams” kept The Ex at arms length.  I almost always had one foot out the door.  That’s not commitment.  Yet I was committed to this man for over a decade. Don’t get it twisted, though. He was no saint. He made too many mistakes that I couldn’t forgive. My heart was fighting with my brain.  And I suppose that is true love.