Sometimes I write longer letters than other days. Each inspiration gives me something different, that’s why. But some days it’s also the mood that I’m in. Some days my brain just isn’t working as effectively. I hate when I forget to mention something really important about one of my inspirations and then I remember it a few days later. That’s why inspiration is so neat. It’s fluid.
For example, in my letter to The Ex, I forgot to mention his amazing cooking skills. But just the fact that I express my gratitude should get the message across that he is an inspiration.
Do I have enough inspirations for an entire year? Yes, and then some! It was hard to come up with my list because I didn’t want to leave out the biggest influencers in my life. I created the list in advance, however, I wanted to leave some days blank so that I could write about new inspirations that pop up during the year. I find inspiration in something new everyday. But I don’t have time to write a bajillion letters! In fact, I’ve already had to go through and combine some inspirations. For example, both Don Lemon and Anderson Cooper inspire me, but I chose to write a joint letter to them as gay news anchors. That actually allowed me to open it up to more inspirations such as Robin Roberts as well!
This year’s resolution came about while working on my most recent birthday show where I wrote duets with my friends. My 2017 show was all about my path to independence; for my 2018 show I wanted to honor the people who helped me get there. And so I wanted to continue this theme of gratitude throughout the year with my Birthday Resolution and write letters to the folx who’ve made a difference in my life. Since there are so many influencers in my life, it only made sense to write a letter everyday this year! And believe it or not, that’s not enough days to express thanks to all my inspirations!
Okay here comes another excuse for my tardiness in posting. But I’ve been distracted lately with finalizing things for my unemployment and food stamps. I also had a couple birthdays last week. And then I started a contract job last week. I had a very terrible couple days last week. I mean just the worst I’ve had in a very long time. And believe me, I can handle stress. Struggle is all I’ve ever known, so when it gets to a point that it effects me, then it’s a lot all at once.
But these are exactly the times I need my inspiration. So writing my letters has been slow this week but very much needed.
So I took an extra day this week to write my letters. One in particular demanded more time and focus as it was dedicated to The Ex. I wanted to make sure his letter was full. But it’s difficult to put into words the emotions, feelings, and power that he bestowed upon me. There’s no one in this world that has had an impact on my life like he had. We may no longer be boyfriends, but his influence on my life is so grand and everlasting. And that can never be taken away.
When writing my letters of inspiration, I try to keep them each positive. I say this because I find myself wanting to make statements such as “you did this despite that.” But I’m not trying to point out the faults of my inspirations. On the other side of things, I also know that I can’t put any idol too high on a pedestal. But these letters are meant to thank my inspirations not pick them apart. I am who I am because of them, even if they made mistakes in the past. Sometimes I even find myself wanting to apologize to them as well. But the purpose of this Bday Resolution isn’t to bring up the dark parts of our pasts together. It’s to uplift the good they’ve done for me. I’m so grateful for all of my inspirations because of where they’ve brought me to today.
Sooo…this week has been especially challenging due to personal matters. I was laid off effective immediately as the entire organization I worked for shut down. Though I saw the signs, I thought I had a little more time. So obvi my focus has primarily been on that and getting my life in order.
I have still been working on my letters, though, because they are important to me. I’m just behind on posting them. I guess I’ll have plenty of time now! Ha!
I’ve found that a good process for me is to work on the letters daily and then post them once a week. This week I’ll just be posting letters from the past two weeks.