App This

Dating apps are all the same. First of all, it’s the same people on every app. Second of all, they all treat you the same in every app. My coworkers convinced me to join Tinder because apparently now you can swipe left in groups with your friends. So me and these two little white girls from work decided to create a group together. So of course questions pop into mind: how does it work? Do we all three have to agree on a swipe? Nope. Figured that one out pretty quickly. Will we see individuals from the groups on the individual swipes? Not yet at least. What’s our game plan if we do get a match? Is it easier to Like other groups when they have the same amount of people? How do we tell if they’re looking for men or women? Why are so many of these groups so homogenous? Ugh. Is it bad that I don’t wanna match with an all white group? I mean, I am white. What does our group look like to others? Do we look like we lack diversity? 

Once we started getting matches, it was exciting at first. But then two of us noticed that it seems like the other girl keeps getting all the attention. But she’s great at responding to the messages. It’s also interesting to see her flirtation techniques. Much different than in person when we go to happy hour.  

However, there are just some thirsty dudes out there no matter what their sexuality is. And they say stupid shit. Doesn’t matter the app. Ugh, there weren’t even apps when I was last single. Shit, there weren’t even smart phones. 
On Grindr once, I told this guy that he had a “nice pic” with the waves crashing and the trees in the background. I mean he was cute but not drop dead gorgeous. Then he responded saying “thanks, I can’t say the same.” 

Wait, what? Are you one of those insecure types that doesn’t like his own pic, or are you saying I have a bad pic? So I asked him. Then we proceeded to argue about my eyeliner and it was clear this dude was never taught that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. It was totally unnecessary and unwarranted. It’s clear he has not evolved enough. (Which is prolly what The Scientist thought about me…😔)

So then on Tinder in one of the group messages, this dude said “ChitChatJonny you’re out. Coworker Girl you’re in.” 

To which I responded, “why yes, I’ve been out for years now.”  

Then my other coworker sent a hilarious clap back gif and we pretty much moved on. Like we’re obvi on here as a group. 

We asked a straight duo to bring a friend for me and we think we coulda made that happen, but then I guess we didn’t respond quickly enough to they next message and they deleted us. What‼️Same shit on all these apps. That’s why I deleted Grindr a few weeks ago. For real this time‼️

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